Isn´t it strange about neighbours? About some you are happy to have them
next to you and others could be thousands miles away and you won´t miss
them.
I live in a small part of our town, where you can find about 25 houses. It
is peaceful here. Most of the time. A few of my neighbours are quite crazy.
One of them wanted to beat the devil out of us, just because we asked him
not to drive too close. We were having a walk and he came down the street
with his car. If we had just made one wrong step into the middle of the
street, he would have hit us with his car. We talked to him about it. Well,
we talked and he yelled at us. Good for us, that he lives a little down the
street and we normally have no contact with him.

Today my neighbour Horst was walking down the street and we use to chat a
little, when we meet. He warned me that there is someone in the
neighbourhood who throughs ironnails out of his car-window, when he drives
by. You can guess who does something like this.

This brings me to the question why a human being, that once was ticking
normally, changed that much? Even his brother hit him in the face, because
he put shit in front of his door.

Well, I´m afraid, thats Germany. It feels good not to be typical german!

What does it mean to be friends? How much is giving and how much is taking? Can it be put in words? I don´t think so, but in my life I´m very disappointed because of my "best" friend. We are friends for over 12 years now. As we got to know each other, she always has been a strong woman, sometimes really tough. With the years she changed...she had to make a therapy, because she couldn´t handle her feelings. After her grandmother died, someone or something was missing. She started searching for the missing thing, but she couldn´t find it. That´s why she made the therapy. Nothing became better. It was quiet the opposite and she started to complain. At first it was her husband who she was complaining about, then her sons, work, family. As there was nothing left to complain about, she became ill. Mostly she had headaches. Every single thought was "Oh my God, I think the pain will never go away again. I am going to die. It surely is cancer. In a few month I surely will not be able to live without painkillers." I could write many more, but I guess it is clear in which direction she is going.

 I have always been very patient with her and tried to help whereever I could. I told her that she could try to learn something new or to join a group to make sports...something to give her less time to think. In my opinion she has too much time to think about her pain. Well, she didn´t do anything for over two years. It is always the same when we talk...her pain...her problems...her life.

 Last Friday we met for a cup of coffee and I freaked out a little. I told her to keep her problems for herself. I told her to solve it alone, that I can´t help her anymore, when she is not willed to change anything in her life.

 That was selfish. That was not nice. That was clear. She didn´t contact me since Friday.

 That made me think about this friendship. How much should someone give, when there comes nothing in return? Where is the line that shouldn´t be crossed? Does she care about me? Does she think about how I might feel? There are many things in my life that are going wrong and she knows about it. Why doesn´t she ask, if I might need help?

 I´m very close to end this friendship...but I still don´t know if I´m doing right.

Today we had a discussion at work. We were talking about children. Almost everyone here has children. One 39 year old colleague has nine, another one two, another one child. Just Michael, 30, an me don´t have children.

 While discussing I remembered what a woman I once knew very well, said to me:" A woman is perfect, when she has born a child. Every childless woman is not worth being called a woman."

 "So I can never be an real woman?" I asked her and she agreed. Although she knew that I can´t have children, because I had cancer eight years ago. Although it´s not my fault, she told me that I am female, but not a real woman.

 Years ago I was shocked about this statement. Today I´m more confused about such people. I ask myself why people think to have the right to judge over the lifes of others...

Why is it so damn difficult for some people to stay polite? I am really getting mad over such a behaviour.

 My boss is in Spain since two weeks and so my colleague is responsible. There is much work to do and it is stressful. Instead of keeping the peace within the company, he does everything possible to tease each worker. He should stay calm, because it is so important to work TOGETHER.
I try my very best to keep the peace, but my nerves are not the best at the moment. All the workers come to me and complain that he is talking to them as if he is God. I tell them to calm down and listen to all of their problems. Mostly afterwards they feel better...I don´t.

 I ask myself if this is a German phenomenon or if people in other countries act the same way.

 For me it´s just annoying!

When did you walk outside your house without shoes for the last time?

 I walk around with naked feet when I´m at home. If I bring out the waste or
take a look at the garden, I do it without shoes. Today my friend and I
wanted to take a walk. He said that he wanted to go without shoes and I
thougt "Why not?"
That was different! We walked for more than one hour and we both had pain in
the beginning, but it got better with every step we made.

 Have we all become softies? Years ago it was absolutely normal to go out of
the house with naked feet.

 Oh...in Winter I usually wear socks and shoes *smile*.

Fine!
 
I made my decision! It took me quiet a long time, but finally I am convinced
to do the right thing.
 
I guess this needs a litte explanation:
 
In April 2008 I started the fight against the kilograms that are sitting on
my waist. I´ve always been a fat child and later on a fat woman, but a lot
of circumstances kept me from losing weight…there is always a reason not to
start! So my neece and I decided to join a well known group of people who
try to loose weight by counting points. I guess everyone knows about what
organisation I am talking. As usual it worked really fine in the beginning
and I was able to loose 2 or 3 pounds each week. I change my way of cooking,
I learned a lot about food and took the stairs instead of the elevator or
went for a walk instead of sitting in front of the TV. Little things to
change with a great effect!
 
Then suddenly the loose of weight stopped. I didn´t know why and my
enthusiasm was gone. I became a little lazy again and it was harder to go to
the meetings each Monday. Extremly annoying was that all people asked the
same question: "And? tell me! How much did you loose?" In the beginning
those questions seemed to be OK, because it showed me that those people
cared about me. With the time it made me angry, because nobody asked me how
I felt. They just asked the damn question about my weight.
 
The pressure on me was growing day by day.
 
In the last almost sleepless nights with a lot of time to think about my
life, I suddenly saw the solution clearly…right in front of me. That´s why I
quit to go to this organisation…TODAY!
 
It´s interesting that this little decision makes me feel kind of free. It
seems that a big and heavy rock has fallen off my heart.
 
Could this be so easy???

Mucky 13.02.1988 - 27.05.2009
 
Rest in peace. Thank you for all those wonderful years, thank you forbeeing my friend, thank you for beeing there when I needed you, thankyou for all the smiles you put on my face. You will never forget you!